As you may remember from this post of yore. We love us some crazy reality stars, my therapist says that has something to do with a “need to feel normal” but I totally disagree. These people make me feel more vanilla than Sarah Lee frosting. I’m a bore next to the TLC freak shows. I’m so far beyond normal next to these guys it’s terrifying. Maybe I should go drink some gasoline.
One of my all-time favorite shows is My Big Fat American Gypsy wedding.
Which by the way is rarely about weddings.
Please understand that I do not sit at home and wait for the new episode…I just DVR It and watch when I am feeling feisty. I do not carry a pocket planner of reality show schedules, but as any good reality addict knows that these things are on repeat like whoa.
I soak these ladies in as much as possible, and keep a notepad by the TV so I can jot down beauty tips.
Wait…WHAT? Bleach on teeth?
Oh yea, possibly my favorite of all of these crazies is Laura. And bleach is her beauty secret.
She uses household bleach on her teeth y’all! In fact she thinks it’s a great bargain. You buy a three dollar bottle of bleach and you can get your teeth whitened-ed and clean your whole house. Wowza.
I thought she was a total loon. Wait, what is the past tense…I still think she’s a loon!
I would like white teeth just as much as the next gal, but I draw the line at using what I clean my toilet with. If we use the laws of Kevin Bacon then that’s like scraping your teeth on your toilet seat. I would, however, totally brush my teeth with bacon. Yummmmm.
Then it happened…bleach fell into my mouth, just kidding. One of my blogging idols, Ashley Hackshaw posted this.
She had been swishing peroxide to whiten her teeth thanks to Pinterest.
I listen to everything she says like it is the word of…well Ashley Hackshaw. So I decided I would gingerly swish my scraped-your-knee-here-I’ll-take-care-of-that juice to add some sparkle to those pearly whites. I mean, it’s apparently on Pinterest which means millions of us are doing it right?
So I tried it.
I’ll spare you a before and after picture, mainly because I am only two days in. But hellllllllo my new best friend Peroxide.
I feel like there are always crazy beauty tricks to try….hence why I let a friend talk me into “threading” my eyebrows. If by threading you mean painfully ripping each one out of it’s root causing my eyes to stream water uncontrollably. Or the time I got a keratin treatment and walked around like a greaseball for three days. And I won’t even get into all the waxing, coloring, scorching our skin, moisturizing the scorched skin and then starting the whole process over in a month. Vicious cycle.
You know what Tim does…..he shaves. Every three days. Pathetic.
Maybe I’ll show him the Gypsy bleach trick to liven up his routine.