Why I am unwife-worthy...

Posted by Christina // 14 Replies

If you are hip to the Homemade Ocean Facebook page, then you know that last night I made a big blunder.

If you are not hip to our Facebook page, can you get on that because there is nothing I love more than talking to strangers.  Seriously.  Talk to me, not dirty though…my dad stalks that page.

Last night, we decided to keep the Cinco party train on it’s tracks and settle in with a margarita or three and some homemade Mexican food.  I started making some tasty queso, only to find out that we had no tortilla chips.  Bummer, so  I focused my attention on making the best chicken quesadilla this side of the US border.  We had a bulk six pack of canned chicken that I was too lazy to open so I scoured the pantry for more canned chicken.  Don’t judge me, I needed a quick and easy boyfriend-approved meal.

I found the chicken and microwaved (yup, microwaved) a tasty concoction of unhealthy cheese and pink chicken.  I decided I didn’t need any chicken in my quesadilla since it looked a little funny and served it to Tim with pep in my step and a smile on my face.  As I sat dipping plain tortillas in my cheese dip, Tim started questioning my gourmet abilities.  “Christina, this tastes like cat food” he says, “I am not sure I can finish this” he says, “gag, cough, gag” he says.

After some convincing on my part, I assured him that it was straight out of the can that HE bought.  It has to be chicken, because he bought it.  Tim hates canned anything, but he will deal with chicken.  Tuna is unacceptable.  Hold on to that nugget of info, mmmkay.

After picking every last ever-loving piece of “chicken” out of the quesadilla and sneaking it to the pups Tim finally got the nerve to dig through the trash can and find the evidence.

I had fed him Chicken of the Sea.

Where is my girl Jessica Simpson when I need her.  Come on, someone back me up here.  I mean I did make dinner after sipping on the syrup and that will get you every time.  Apparently, Chicken of the Sea = tuna.  Fail.

It just adds to the growing list of why I am not wife material. I am not Martha wife material The list.

1.  I wait until I only have one shirt hanging in my closet to do laundry.

2.  Dusting is an urban legend in this house.

3.  I always make myself a drink before I make Tim’s.

4.  My craft projects often take over the whole living room floor.

5.  Most of our dinners come from the freezer.

6.  I take foot massages, not give them.

7.  I am really good at ignoring dishes.

8.  I don’t always shave my legs, which means hardly ever.

8 1/2.  I get very fussy for about a quarter of the month.

9.  You ever seen a hangry girl?  They got nothing on me.

10.  I can never remember anniversaries, or birthdays, or Mondays.

11.  The last time I sewed, I lost.

12.  I hate worms, which rules out gardening.

13.  Coupons and I don’t get along, much less save money.

14.  I would rather travel than save for retirement.

15.  My idea of romance is a night of Duck Dynasty.

16.  I’m stubborn, insanely stubborn.

17.  Sometimes my jokes are mean, I admit it.

18.  I like to poke, pinch, and tickle.

19.  I can’t keep a plant alive.

20.  I apparently can not cook.  At all.

That list makes me sound pretty disgusting.  I promise we don’t live in filth.  We usually have at least one person over a week, which evokes a mad-dash-cleaning-spree.  I do shower, occasionally.  I try to feed veggies and luckily, I can make him laugh.

Have you ever fed someone something they hated secretly on accident?
Think you are not wife material as well?
Have a maid that wants to come do our laundry and dust?

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Written by Christina and Tim

14 thoughts on “Why I am unwife-worthy…

  1. Julie

    Christina that is so awful. Poor Tim! Is your nose broken, I totally do not see how you did not notice that was tuna. And get rid of all the canned meat in general. Gross. LOL

    1. Christina Post author

      Hahaha I know….canned meats are only reserved for my desperate nights of “what the HECK am I making for dinner?!?!?!”

      Hahahaha, I questioned it while I was making it, but like I said three margaritas had me feeling quite nice!!!

  2. Janelle

    I don’t check fb often so I’m so glad you wrote about this. Poor Tim! There has to be SOME reason he’s with you though (a PG version) so let’s hear a list of reasons you ARE wife-worthy!

    I think you would love the recipes on howsweeteats.com. They’re often not vegetarian and we still veggie-fy them and LOVE them. Jessica will admit she has the attention span of a toddler so while her food looks so-pretty-I-could-never-made-that-at-home, it’s all quite easy and simple ingredients. Maybe try a few of those recipes so you don’t end up desperate and scouring the pantry for things that’ll turn Tim’s stomach. haha. Save your relationship!

    So I’m wondering, how did he handle the news that he ate tuna?!

    1. Christina Post author

      He just laughed at me….and then poured me another drink 😉 Now that is a good man!!!

      Oh I am always down for new recipes!!! Thanks for the link girl.

  3. CT

    After just visiting my grandma and watching her wait on her husband hand and foot, I say who wants to be wife material — like that. If she were to get hit by a bus tomorrow, that man would starve because he doesn’t even know what cabinet she keeps all the food in. It’s 2013 baby. As long as you two can function as a team, you have what it takes. Cheers – CT

    1. Christina Post author

      That is what we always say too! We love being a team 🙂 I do admire the women who are so selfless and motivated. I am just too lazy to be a good wife haha!!!

  4. Berennisse

    I just stumbled across your blog and this post had me rolling! You are hilarious! I’m not much in the “wife” department either. I don’t cook unless its in the crockpot (foolproof but not always tasty) and we have a cleaning lady. The man still loves me.

    Love your blog, the design is so cute and you are so fun to read.

    1. Christina Post author

      Awwwww thanks! I am so glad you found us 🙂

      Send your cleaning lady our way PLEASE! Maybe she can make a tasty dinner while she is sweeping haha.

  5. rebecca

    at one point in time i was big into using fresh herbs (not that kind of herbs…). a couple years ago we had an herb garden that contained dill, mint, oregano, cat nip (cat’s need their herb too), cilantro and basil. during this time i would try to substitute using fresh herbs whenever a recipe called for dried herbs, or i would try to create dishes using what was in the pantry. one evening i was driven to make spaghetti, without spaghetti sauce being from a jar. so i grabbed tomatoe paste, and tomatoe sauce, garlic, mushrooms and oregano from the garden. at this point the herb garden had started to deplete and die back so oregano and basil was all that was really left. i was excited cooked the meal set it on the table with texas garlic toast and topped it off with a little wine. as we ate our dinner, i couldn’t help but think something was off about the sauce, maybe i wasn’t use to fresh ingrediants and the canned stuff just tasted better? then our cats started showing extreme interest in the dinner. they usually are interested in our meals, unfortunately my husband encourages them to sit on the dining room table while we eat, i have no idea why, other than he considers all animals equal to sit at the dinner table. i wouldn’t mind it if they sat in chairs like the rest of us with a two paw rule, but they haven’t figured that out yet. anyways, the cats were buzzing like sharks around the table, on the table. and my husband and i gave up on the dinner, it was no bueno. i got to thinking, went out and grabbed the herb “oregano” and looked it up in my cook book. at the time i had been trying to be housewife betty and cook fresh, turns out i cooked fresh alright, fresh catnip right into the spaghetti sauce…..don’t worry i think its genetic that we have these problems 🙂

    1. Christina Post author

      Hahahahaha! This story CRACKED me up!!!! Partly because I tried to make my own spaghetti sauce a couple months ago and it was THE NASTIEST thing I have ever made, seriously. Disgusting haha.

      At least I know I am in good company 😉


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