Monthly Archives: August 2012

08.09.12

My favorite four letter word....

Posted by Christina // 25 Replies

Get your mind our of the gutter. It’s L-I-S-T.

I am a compulsive list maker.

There I said it. I have post-its all over my desk, notebooks full of ideas, scrap paper with the grocery list. Lists are everywhere. At least once a day, every day, I jot down a list of some form. Usually it’s more than once.

I would be embarrassed to show you my planner from school because every. single. day. I wrote down what I thought my grades were going to be. They never changed, but I had to write them down. I guess it was motivating…or some other weird logical explanation for my illogical tendencies.

At least there are an abundance of cute paper options. Right now I am oogling these bad boys.

And don’t get me started on Excel. For our vacation this year we are going on an East Coast road trip. This list has been written, rewritten, completely scratched and then rewritten again. I’ll spare you all of the “what to bring” and “music to download” lists.

As a joke a friend got me this.

I’m in deep you guys. The papers sticking out…..more lists. It’s a sickness!

So it should come as no surprise that I have a bucket list. It’s way too lengthy to burden you with, unless you ask then I will totally let you bear that burden.

I also have a leap list.

My big life event will change my life forever…so I need a list so I don’t forget things like “Open a Roth IRA” and then accidentally spend all my money on shoes.

Here is a list of things that I need to do before I can make another human being.

I may not accomplish all of them, I may not accomplish any of them…but it’s all about having goals people. And I got plenty.

What’s on your Leap List?

08.08.12

Want to be a gypsy? Take notes...

Posted by Christina // 4 Replies

As you may remember from this post of yore. We love us some crazy reality stars, my therapist says that has something to do with a “need to feel normal” but I totally disagree. These people make me feel more vanilla than Sarah Lee frosting. I’m a bore next to the TLC freak shows. I’m so far beyond normal next to these guys it’s terrifying. Maybe I should go drink some gasoline.

One of my all-time favorite shows is My Big Fat American Gypsy wedding.

Which by the way is rarely about weddings.

Please understand that I do not sit at home and wait for the new episode…I just DVR It and watch when I am feeling feisty. I do not carry a pocket planner of reality show schedules, but as any good reality addict knows that these things are on repeat like whoa.

I soak these ladies in as much as possible, and keep a notepad by the TV so I can jot down beauty tips.

Wait…WHAT? Bleach on teeth?

Oh yea, possibly my favorite of all of these crazies is Laura. And bleach is her beauty secret.

She uses household bleach on her teeth y’all! In fact she thinks it’s a great bargain. You buy a three dollar bottle of bleach and you can get your teeth whitened-ed and clean your whole house. Wowza.

I thought she was a total loon. Wait, what is the past tense…I still think she’s a loon!

I would like white teeth just as much as the next gal, but I draw the line at using what I clean my toilet with. If we use the laws of Kevin Bacon then that’s like scraping your teeth on your toilet seat. I would, however, totally brush my teeth with bacon. Yummmmm.

Then it happened…bleach fell into my mouth, just kidding. One of my blogging idols, Ashley Hackshaw posted this.

She had been swishing peroxide to whiten her teeth thanks to Pinterest.

I listen to everything she says like it is the word of…well Ashley Hackshaw. So I decided I would gingerly swish my scraped-your-knee-here-I’ll-take-care-of-that juice to add some sparkle to those pearly whites. I mean, it’s apparently on Pinterest which means millions of us are doing it right?

So I tried it.

I’ll spare you a before and after picture, mainly because I am only two days in. But hellllllllo my new best friend Peroxide.

I feel like there are always crazy beauty tricks to try….hence why I let a friend talk me into “threading” my eyebrows. If by threading you mean painfully ripping each one out of it’s root causing my eyes to stream water uncontrollably. Or the time I got a keratin treatment and walked around like a greaseball for three days. And I won’t even get into all the waxing, coloring, scorching our skin, moisturizing the scorched skin and then starting the whole process over in a month. Vicious cycle.

You know what Tim does…..he shaves. Every three days. Pathetic.

Maybe I’ll show him the Gypsy bleach trick to liven up his routine.

08.07.12

I couldn't script this if I tried.....

Posted by Christina // 8 Replies

You know how I always say I need a reality show?

Oh you don’t…..well I do.

Sometimes, things happen to me and I just can’t even fathom the serendipity of it all.

We bought Dori a solid week ago. Let her get adjusted, beefed her up a little, treated her with garlic to keep her healthy. Waited to write our “new fish” post until we were absolutely-positivly sure that she would live a long and healthy life.

We even kept put her in a tank with only a shrimp and hermit so that she would be safe.

Today I wrote this post.

Today I came home to a hermit crab eating the remains of my Dori.

We did everything right. The water is perfect. No one is picking on her. She’s been eating like a champ. Looked healthy as an ox-fish. Got more attention than all of our other fish combined and believe me they are jealous.

She was our baby fish….and now she is gone.

I couldn’t make this up if I tried, nor would I want to. Tonight I will be drowning in ice cream yelping WHY.

I cursed my baby fish, and although I considered not letting you all in on our little tragedy. You have to take the good with the bad, and in this hobby, death is a part of life.

I just wish it wasn’t.

And why today.

And why that fish.

Ok that is all.

RIP little Dori….I’ll miss you.

08.07.12

Say 'ello' to my little friend...

Posted by Christina // 6 Replies

You might now know that the 210 gallon tank is not our only tank.

We have a few others, including a teeny nano cube on my desk to keep me calm and relaxed while I am blogging so I don’t lash out in a fit of hungry.

For a while I had Miss Holly in my teeny tank, then she moved out and some damsels moved in. They weren’t very entertaining….just kind of swam around and picked on each other. Kind of like watching bullying, or old school Jerry Springer or something. Not my cup of sweet tea.

So I kicked them out too. To the sump with you gangsters.

So I have been on my own talent search ala America’s Next Top Fish. Now show me your smize girls.

Then I realized, if I want personality….it’s gotta be Dori.

So we set out on a search…the first place we went?

P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney of course.

But no Dori’s to be found, did run into some pretty rad turtles though.

The real problem was every fish we found was really beat up. Like they had been raised by Michael Vick himself in his underwater Tang fighting tanks. Rude.

After searching for a couple of weeks, we ran across this sweet little thing.

She is a doll….so much personality. And guess what, it’s a baby!!!

Oh yea, I am in love. Dori’s official name is “Blue Hippo Tang” and they can grow up to a foot! Looks like we need a bigger tank….and neither of us are complaining.

She has adjusted really well to the nano. We plan to grow her out in there, and get all attached to her, then in a few years we will throw her in the big tank to let her show those fishies who is boss.

For now, I will just enjoy her tiny-ness and how she dances in front of the glass when I sit down. She’s got the whole this-lady-feeds-me-so-I-should-keep-her-happy thing down pat.

Here she is breaking it down for mama. I’m telling you this fish has moves.

And because I am absolutely positive that you all have a hankering for finding nemo thanks to me, I will leave you with our star.

Dori numero uno found here. Dori dos found here.

08.06.12

One Hot Mama

Posted by Christina // 12 Replies

I had never thrown a baby shower.

In fact I am not sure that I have ever been to a baby shower. I mean I am sure I have, but I have always blocked that stuff out because I never really cared much for babies.

Until I met Tim, and decided that I wanted to have twenty-seven of them. That’s just a starting point.

Then each and every one of my friends got pregnant. Something to do with Fifty Shades movement or something, I’m not really sure. Now I am planning baby showers left and right.

I have a little practice in the party planning area…I threw her bridal shower and bachelorette party last year.

But the challenge here, besides it being a baby shower, is that she lives in Pennsylvania. Which means no traveling when she’s about to pop, which means throwing a shower without knowing the gender until a week before the shower.

Mission impossible….accepted.

Without knowing the gender, I had to make the invites neutral. Have you seen the “gender neutral” invitations lately? Gag me with a spoon. This baby was not of the rubber duck variety. Quickly decided I needed a theme. I scoured Pinterest for ideas…tea party? ready to pop? library themed? They all left me feeling a little luke warm.

Oh yea….also….I am lazy. Cleaning the whole house, just to clean when people leave is not my idea of a party. I am a firm believer of enjoying yourself at parties. The only logical thing to do was to pick a venue which I did not have to clean.

If you knew the future mama…the one thing you would know for sure is her love of Mexican food. It’s basically what we bonded over, and the thing she misses most about good ol’ Missouri. The fine, not-very-clean-but-delishious Mexican food. It was only appropriate to celebrate her at a Mexican restaurant.

So we had a feista….to celebrate One Hot Mama.

The very first step was the invites. I found a designer I liked on Etsy and gave her my basic “theme” for the shower. She took it from there and I couldn’t be more thrilled with how they came out. Spicy….

I called the most delish place I could think of, Hacienda. I gotta say that they rocked it out.

It was bright and fun and the food….oh the food.

The food was the hit of the party for sure….I mean besides this girl.

Throwing a One Hot Mama themed baby shower was a hoot.

Lots of “rattle maracas”, “leis”, “baby pinatas”, “new daddy mustaches” and well…fiesta shades.

Now if you actually read the 241 words that started this post you remember that we did indeed find out if it was a girl or a boy about a week before the shower. So of course I had to throw that little tidbit into all of the details to let everyone know.

Get ready for “detail overload”

When walking in our guests got to sign a little onesie for baby Brooklyn, then they grabbed a homemade pin. And the games begin.

Yes I actually wrote a poem…..my mom is so proud.

I made the pins for the “Don’t say baby game” by spraypainting clothespins hot pink and the hot glueing cute scrapbooking embellishments.

They stayed in that awesome formation for about three-point four minutes.

Guests also got to grab a homemade gamecard. Really labor-intensive stuff, just printed on cardstock.

So that we could play the best game ever.

If only we could have gotten a guest appearance by Bob Barker.

I packed the prizes into cute little polka dot pink lunch bags and then threw a strip of tissue fringe to fuss them up a little.

I however, did not account for multiple people guessing correctly in Baby Price is Right. Should have had at least forty more prize bags.

I did have enough baby pinatas though.

These things were great! Just got cute candy cups, filled them with candy and girlied them up with ribbon and tissue fringe. It was super easy and made the most adorable favors.

I also filled a little picture frame with a sonogram picture so that everyone could sneak a peek at the little dumpling.

The most fun I had was making the onesies on my Silhouette Cameo.

If you were unaware….Missouri is the show me state. And I have to have this little bean representing up in the PA. Or something like that.

And so the “Show Me Love” Onesie was born. Get it? Born? Ok, overboard.

I also made one with an “L” on it for the babe’s last name.

Needless to say….there was plenty of pink floating around. Here let me show you….

Miss Brooklyn is going to be such a girly girl. Thanks to yours truly.

I do believe a good time was had by all. At least I hope so, and if it wasn’t well it was my very first baby shower y’all.

I do know one thing….baby shower presents are the cutest thing I have ever seen. I forgot to take a “present picture” but the girl made a haul.

No baby shower is complete without a diaper cake…

Katie loved all the cute outfits, of course.

And I just loved seeing my best friend so happy….

So I am calling my first baby shower a success!

08.03.12

Perks of Dating a Gentleman...

Posted by Christina // 17 Replies

Yesterday my boytoy and I were out on the town, he hung back to let me walk through the sliding doors first. The girl behind the counter – because let’s face it that is our crazy night on the town – said, “what a gentleman”.

It seemed so insignificant, but it hit home like only Yadier Molina can…with a thump.

This post may come off as bragging to some, but it is more of a holla out to all my ladyfriends that you do not have to date jerks.

Don’t get me wrong….I think everyone should sprinkle in a total loser here and there. It makes you appreciate the future love of your life, and shows you how strong you really are. But mostly, it just makes for funny stories later.

You see, I have a little sister and she is swell. The first time I have to rush over with ice cream and watch her cry over some butt-face-boy will probably induce some sort of internal bleeding.

I can’t even fathom what that will be like with a daughter. But that pain is necessary.

As is being single. We’ve all known a serial monogamist, the person who needs another half like our fishies need that liquid blue stuff they float in. They jump from relationship to relationship and never discover who they truly are.

I learned more about myself in the year I lived by myself than I had in the oh twenty-vague-something years before that.

Heartache and loneliness are necessary evils. So you can find yourself, love yourself and then share that warm gooey feeling with someone else. Plus, now you appreciate them because you’ve dated mister I-think-it’s-hilarious-to-fart-in-your-face-in-public-because-I-am-cooler-than-you guy. Traumatized I tell ya.

Enough of the bad…on to the good.

I am sure most of you are over the cheesy goodness of my ode to Timbo. I’ll leave it at 20…although I could go on for days.

The moral of this story is that you all deserve a gentleman.

You can all find a gentleman, because they are still out there. Dating one is awesome, kind of like dating an alien really. And once you get your hands on one….don’t ever let him go.

To my baby Leika….please don’t ever get your heart-broken. I don’t want to go to jail. Smooches.